she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
