Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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