this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
