dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
