I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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