R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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