A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
