She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
