Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
