peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
