based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
