i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
