i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
