Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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