we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
