Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
