I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
