so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
