I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
