Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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