found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
