..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
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