I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
