Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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