you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
