People with herpes should wear stickers.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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