I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i out mim tonsoeep
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
