This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
