His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
