The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
