I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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