so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
