Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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