You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
