you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
