'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
