Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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