he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
