so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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