The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
