God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
