And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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