dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
