its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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