I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
