I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
