Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
