So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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