What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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