Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just forgot I was standing up.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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