my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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