It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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